Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
