watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
there was a trapeze. enough said
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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