So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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