Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
