just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
