You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
