just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
