the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It's blow job season.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
