I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
