Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
