Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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