btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
