u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
