Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
