I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
