i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
