The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
