i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize