I swear she didn't look like that last week.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
