Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Its about making memories worth repressing
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
