i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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