Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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