why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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