It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
