What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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