Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
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