i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
