I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
