Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
