I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
