i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
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