butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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