Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
