Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
