Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
