I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
