last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I am available for nakedness
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
