I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
