you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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