Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
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