Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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