there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
