I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
What happened to fro yo and sex?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
