alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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