remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
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The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
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I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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