wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
