cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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