Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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