it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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