I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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