I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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