why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
