Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
