I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
