he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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