that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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