So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
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