How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
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