I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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