Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
