SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
