you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
