Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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