my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
