So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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