How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
