she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
